Perjalanan #1

Aku memulai hari dengan harapan. Hari ini seharusnya aku bertemu dengan seorang direktur rumah sakit, tapi beliau tidak ada di tempat, Sudah sejak 2 minggu lalu aku menghubungi beliau tapi tidak merespon. Pagi tadi aku berdoa kepada Allah, semoga apapun hal yang harus aku hadapi hari ini menjadi kebaikan dan menjadi ladang pahala untukku.

Jalan ini betul-betul tidak mudah, tapi buat apa mempertanyakan masa depan? Sedangkan masa depan bukan milik kita. Aku menangis kecil, lalu melanjutkan perjalanan. Toh semua memang takdir Allah, aku sudah melakukan semua yang aku bisa, kalau Allah berkehendak lain aku bisa apa. InsyaAllah aku ikhlas menjalani takdir ini, apapun yang Allah gariskan. Sepeeti kata Abi, jadi apapun kita di dunia ini tidak akan memberikan apa apa untuk ahirat nanti kalau tidak diniatkan menjadi kebaikan.

Who is actually guided?

There are times, I ask myself am I guided by Allah? I mean I did some sinful things, I didn't read Qur’an thoroughly, I didn't pray sunnah. Sometimes I feel like I wasn't in Allah’s guidance.

Then today I learn from Ustadz Nouman Ali Khan youtube lecture titled What is pure heart, he said that there were days when some parents came to him ask about their children. Once, their child didn’t pray in the mosque before adzan, or they didn't recite Quran. But they didn't do drugs, didn't free sex. Ust Nouman said that they did a good job already. Someone who recite Quran beautifully doesn't mean he/she was more guided by Allah. But what inside their heart is, what makes you want to do that is.

How to know that Allah guide us? Deen is simple, Islam is simple. Every single change that is make you a better person was Allah guidance. It was not all the big deeds that means guidance. You can be just feed some person or reading Quran mindfully. Allah already guide you.

MasyaAllah, alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah Allah never leave me alone.

Wallahu alam bi showab, I wish Allah always guide me to be better and closer to Allah

Tribute to my anesthesiologist

I was working in a hospital since 7 months ago. Mostly, I spent my time in intensive care unit as a ward doctor. I met so many teachers there, literally (it’s a teaching hospital btw). 

One of them was my anesthesiologist. First day of work, I found him was frightening. I was so afraid making mistake during managing my patients. One day I called him, consulting a patient with shock. He asked me to examine my patient well before consult to him. We are not treating numbers, we are treating patients. I also learned to intubate with him in surgery room. He was very patient and gave me the chance to learn. I really appreciate that.

I don't know, 4 years from now, will we meet again? My prayer goes to him. See you Doc! Best luck!

The famous chat GPT

Today, I learned using chatGPT, when everyone was already amaze with its work. I found it was helpful to proofread my manuscript. It is surprisingly so intelligent, it can help me synthesize sentences, checking my grammar, give ideas about title.

I signed up using my google account, then they will send you a code through SMS. After that, tadaaa. You can chat with your new AI friend. I feel like talk to Siri but with higher education lol. It feels eerie, like someday people will be replaced by AI wkwkwk. 

I will not bluntly use it to make a whole manuscript of course, but chatGPT is a game changer IMO. Education world can not deny this technology, say ban it or anything because it is inevitable. I thought maybe when google was enter the game, everybody was so scared as library will not be the first place to look for anything. Because google knows everything.

I think we have to open to new technologies nowadays. Being reluctant or resistant won't help. Everyday the world learn something new. You will be behind if you stuck.

Self esteem

Have you ever asked yourself, are you capable enough to be or to do something? I did it many times. I think I kinda have low self esteem lol. It's annoying, that feel. But doing nothing will be waste, so I did it anyway. Sometimes no flaws, sometimes humiliating hahaha. Nevertheless, there’s always first time of everything. I embrace myself for trying, good job me!

Prays that we never know

Currently I'm involving in some exams for recidency. So I applied to be a cardiologist. Since 2019 I aspired to be one. Now I'm living my dream (not yet, but I hope soon).

This is a something big to me, and I know it's going to be hard all the way. So I ask from sooo many people to please pray for me. I hope one of their pray can guide me.

Apa ini ya rasanya menjadi stoicism enthusiast? wkwkwk Menjalani hidup dengan biasa saja, melakukan usaha usaha tentu, namun menjaga ekspektasi sehingga bisa berteman dengan rasa sedih yang mungkin datang maupun rasa senang yang mungkin bisa berlebihan.

Saya belajar untuk menjalani hari dengan santai, menerima segala emosi atau kejadian yang datang tanpa menjadi reaktif. Sebelumnya saya adalah orang yang sangat reaktif terhadap suatu emosi yang datang. Namun saya bertekad untuk lebih mindfull sehingga segala reaksi yang saya lakukan adalah sebuah tindakan yang dipikirkan terlebih dahulu, bukan lah sebuah automaticity layaknya sel pacu jantung.